How to Learn to Help: 3 Principles of Mentoring

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A close friend shared with you that he quit his job and nothing works out for him in his new company: he can't find a common language with the management, he doesn't have time to complete tasks. You want to help him, but you don't know what to do. Should you advise him or just sympathize?


When a person is at a dead end and does not understand how to act correctly in the current situation, advice from the outside usually causes irritation and a desire to end the conversation. There is another way - to ask guiding questions and push to solve the problem. It seems that there is nothing difficult in composing questions and anyone can handle it. But in fact, this method is called mentoring.

A mentor is a person who helps a mentee make social media marketing service a decision, make a difficult choice, learn something new. Situations can be very different - from personal experiences to career advancement.

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How to learn to help competently?
Let's look at 3 principles that mentors most often use in their work, training, or to solve personal problems.

Do not evaluate the personality. The mentor should analyze only the person's behavior in the present moment, and not his personal qualities. He cannot say that "the person is irresponsible", he can answer that "the mentee is inattentive to work". If the mentor notices inappropriate behavior, he will ask the following question: "I feel that you are not coping with the task. Tell me why this is happening?"
Instead of giving advice, ask a question. Even if you know for sure what to do in a given situation. For example, a friend can't cope with tasks. Instead of recommending "Learn to plan your workday," ask "Why do you think you don't meet deadlines? How can you optimize?"

Don't impose your opinion. A mentor should not give advice or put pressure on a mentee, consider himself always right and refuse to accept someone else's point of view. He helps to make a choice that should suit the person himself first and foremost, and not correspond to the personal principles of the mentor.
For example, a friend doesn't know what to do, and you can give them step-by-step instructions. But this method will most likely lead to the person closing off or not wanting to share their problems with you anymore. It's better to start with the question, "Why did this situation happen? What solutions do you see?"

Don't criticize. Criticism is a natural reaction to something a person considers to be wrong. This backlash scares a person and spoils relationships. It is almost impossible to refuse criticism, but you can track this desire and transform it.
The scheme is simple: you want to criticize a person → determine the reasons → think about what you want to achieve as a result.

If you want to become a mentor or just help loved ones, then take the free online course " Mentoring ". From the course you will learn what characteristics a mentor should have, what tools exist and how to use them correctly, how to react correctly and give feedback.